Another year has ended. Another year has begun. What lies ahead is another year to blow out the candles and celebrate this gift to the world. For some, they are still 29 and holding. For me, I proudly shout “Today is my 36th birthday!”
I spent a lot of time thinking about what to write and personal reflections to share on the new year that lies ahead. I thought about writing a letter to my younger self, and I became bored at the thought. Besides, I am just starting to live and have the battle scars to prove it. That note just wouldn’t have been authentic enough as some the mistakes of my youth still occur. Less frequently but happen every so often… Instead, I am issuing a formal apology to those who grimace when I say, “Embrace your age. It’s just a number.” I have not embraced the fact that my eyes are not 29 and holding. Neither is my personal calendar. Lo siento…
My sister and I tease our mother when she has to stop and get her glasses to read text messages or make a phone call. I have become my mother. Since the age of 31, I have memorized people’s profiles in order to properly greet them when they are approaching in hallways. Awkwardly, people become the victim of mistaken identity, they become a mirage as I stare at someone who I think is a friend. When I watch TV with subtitles or a visual on the screen will get missed unless I arise from the sofa with the rewind button firmly pressed. Why do I make life so complicated at times? At several points in time, the same people who I have shamed into embracing their age have asked me “Lauren, where are your glasses?”
Today, I gave myself the gift of sharp focus by visiting the eye doctor. Figured it was time to update the prescription from 29. Ahead of me is a spacious path full of discovery, and I cannot travel that path trying to memorize a profile of unknown obstacles and detours. That just won’t cut it.
My personal calendar is filled with obligations and attendance at events that are often greater than the number of hours in the day. I know there is shared company in feeling overwhelmed. In order to clearly focus, admitting that I need to wear glassed isn’t going to cut it. There must also be a focus on my personal calendar.
One of my New Year’s resolutions was to not be afraid to say ‘No’. It has taken me 8 months and 21 days to admit that I’m not even close to succeeding at that one. Obviously, an intervention is needed. My best friend has been enlisted to shepherd me to accomplish this resolution. Every Wednesday she will get a text with the schedule for the weekend. She has full authority to tell me what I can and cannot do. This is necessary. I must off-load unnecessary appointments so that I can focus clearer.
What do I have awaiting my journey into 36? A clear understanding that prioritization and focus are the only way I will appreciate the spaciousness surrounding me as I push forward. My hope is that it lays a foundation to be a better daughter, sister, and friend.
PS: The eye doctor said that my vision has changed slightly that I need to do the “eyeglass raise” in order to read things up close. I will things in sharper focus if I lift the glasses off my eyes.